Enduring.

This past week has been a very weird and extremely emotional one. A week ago I took my final. I studied nonstop the week prior with people in my class and by myself. You would probably think I'm crazy if I told you how much time I put into all of that studying. As I went to take my final, I felt prepared and ready. However, I wasn't ready for the shock that would come that afternoon. Even though I gave it my all and did my best, my best was not good enough. Like the 13 others in my class who did not pass with me, I now am trying to figure out what plan b is going to be. I'm hurt, I'm sad, I feel like someone very close to me has died.... it has been so hard. To watch all your friends in your class move to the next step, and you not move forward is one of the worst feelings. Even the director of nursing at CGC offered me little hope. I would have to say, this is the biggest obstacle I have ever faced. I wish it would just disappear.... nope, it's still there. After praying, recieving blessings, I thought, "You've got to be kidding me. God, why??? Did you not know how BAD I wanted this? Maybe I'm just really stupid and didn't read the entire text book word for word like I should have." I was angry, sad, and confused. "How could this happen to me??" It's hard to hear others tell me, "Well maybe this happened for a reason." I'm sure it has happened for a reason, maybe to make me a better nurse, maybe to make me realize nursing isn't for me, maybe to help someone.... I have no idea. But I do know, I did my best and that was all I could have done. I know God leads us where we need to be. I don't want to be here, but I know I'm supposed to be here. My brother sent me an amazing email the other day and said, "Just because you didn't pass doesn't mean that God wasn't answering your prayers. Maybe He was doing it in a way you didn't want, but He never ignores us.... God doesn't want you to fail, but things happen so He can help us see how great the good times are when we struggle through the hard times." I'm picking myself up again and trying to find the path I need to be on. My faith has been tested, but I'm relying on God to lead me where He wants me to be.